The End and The Beginning

I don't do resolutions. They always seem far too easy to break, and are met with comments ranging from "That's nice, dear" to "Yeah, right!". I'm not setting myself any goals or making any wishes that wont come true. I'm just going to try my hardest at everything and hope it all works out well, if it doesn't, I know I couldn't have done any better, and I wont feel any guilt over failure to meet targets!

This is the end of a very fast moving year. It was the first full year of my ittle man's life, and it flew by at rocket speed. I dropped out of the blogosphere for quite some time as I struggled to find a balance between my many roles, and I think right about now I have a very tenuous hold on it all. I've had to learn to let some things go. If I haven't made a handmade gift for a certain event/birthday, if I've had to BUY a card, if I've had to say to the Small People 'just watch a movie/tv programme', if I've had to say 'pizza/take away for dinner tonight, if I've not contacted friends for weeks or even months, I've just had to learn to LET IT GO. I can't do everything as much as that niggling voice in the back of my head says "sure, you can do this. *INSERT NAME HERE* would manage this fine". There simply isn't time, and our current situation is a temporary one. The other things have to be set aside so that I can complete my degree, look after the Small People, have some time with Mr Bogert and have some time with just ME. These are the essentials to survival and a happy future.

I spent the first 8 months of my degree feeling bad every time I didn't return a phonecall or remember a birthday. I've now come to terms with it (I'm hoping my friends have too!). My head is filled with coursework and day to day chores. It wont be forever, and hopefully once I have my degree, I can work towards having a career and buying a bigger house. We live in a shoebox :D

So, after that mad ramble, what I'm trying to say is, I will try hard in all the things I manage to fit into my life, but I can't afford to beat myself up if things get skipped out or I don't quite acheive absolute perfection in. This is a temporary state of being - normal programming will resume (just not until about 2015!).

So for the speed and chaos with which 2011 has been experienced, we have slowed it down for the very last day. We got out of bed later, we ate breakfast later (and it didn't involve a great deal of preparation), we took a walk around the village and tired the Small Person out as much as possible. The Smaller Person is now having a nap, Mr Bogert is visiting a neighbour, The Small Person is lying on the sofa reading a book, and I'm here talking to you, my blog friends. Later, Mr Bogert is cooking a roast dinner, we've got a bottle of wine ready and a cheesecake for dessert. The Small People will go to bed early, then Mr Bogert and I are going to curl on the sofa with a movie and some Christmas chocolate. There will be no books (me), not knitting/crochet (me), no sewing (me), no photo editing (Mr Bogert), no computer game playing (Mr Bogert), no answering emails (Mr Bogert), just us and some random actors.

I'm sure things will begin to speed away from us again next week, and through 2012, as Mr Bogert returns to work, the Small Person returns to school, the Smaller Person and I return to toddler group and I tackle my next assignment before my next course starts alongside this one, but for now, it's peaceful and there are no demands of any of our time.

Have a lovely last day of 2011, see you in 2012!